ISS MUTINIES, ABANDONS STATION.

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Making their demands known through amateur radio communications, all astronauts and cosmonauts aboard the International Space Station have demanded that NASA and ROSCOSMOS allow them to rejoin their families amidst the recent riots and instability.

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Claims have been made that the agencies have shut them out of most controls aboard the station, endangering the lives of all aboard when they were unable to respond to a near-miss with orbital debris.

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NASA officials have continued to make no public statements regarding the demands, or the unconfirmed reports that the docked spacecraft have been launched, *without* aid from ground control.