PORTALS?
Reports of shimmering gateways opening around the US have been corroborated by our own reporting staff.
One reporter witnessed a creature the size of an apartment building taking a direct hit from an Apache helicopter's weaponry and continuing to fight.
Government officials could not be reached for comment, but a local pastor spoke to our reporter in the field.
"There can no longer be any doubt," she was quoted as saying.
"These are the end times."