Automated Audio Transcript

This is an emergency broadcast from the National Emergency Alert System.

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This is not a test.

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There has been several hundred confirmed cases of an unknown pathogen in the metropolitan area of …kshhssk… in the last 24 hours.

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The contagion is believed to be highly transmittable.

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Residents are advised to remain in their homes at this time.

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More information will be released as it becomes available.