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SEISMOGRAPHIC RECORDING A ████████████████ seismograph, originally brought to serve as office decoration, proved sensitive to the energy signatures produced by trans-planar resonances following a ████████ ██████ event. The cause of this sensitivity remains unknown, with leading theories speculating that the steel alloy used for its fabrication might contain trace amounts of exotic elements; or that the design of the seismograph itself might somehow reflect trans-planar configurations, allowing it to serve as 5-point-antenna. We have already requested the acquisition of several identical seismographs, for further experimentation.
SECURITY ADVISORY When approaching or examining exotic material, ensure your 5-point-anchor remains active at all times. You might not feel any different, but it will keep your insides from demonstrating new and interesting physics outside of your body during an unexpected resonance event.
Whoever decided to transcribe my lab reports into farcical entries of the 'SCP Foundation' and proceeded to distribute the edited reports across the lab should be aware that: not only did I not find this 'joke' funny, but that such actions are also considered to be in breach of your confidentiality agreement. A breach that I will see appropriately punished. ------ Dr. Ethan Catherwood Physics Department