DISASTER IN THE SARITANIA MINES!
A copper mine west of Saritania, a small town in Vermont, collapsed Wednesday, killing an estimated thirty miners in the disaster.
Local officials could not be reached for comment, despite the mine being Saritania's primary industry.
An anonymous but credible source did contact our offices, claiming that the Saritania Mine was in fact an underground military facility, and that the disaster was a cover-up for a failed experiment.
These allegations were not addressed by officials.